No Status

You are no longer a Mother

A Daughter or Sister or Lover

No longer a person we wish to meet

You are the Mad Lady on the street

THUMP

I saw myself from above

I was still grey in pain

I watched as the doctors nodded their heads

I watched as family came and went

I wondered do I want to stay here

When heaven and God are so near

 

Thump a pain runs through my chest

Thump a bruise to add to the rest

Thump did you ask me if I wanted to stay

Thump … I had no say

New Lovers

The path to

My sweet enlightenment

Seems clear

As my finger

Swirls round your loins

Smells excite

Exagerate

Our wanting

Your whole flesh

Entwined with mine

Until in a heap

Our souls combine

Trembling, wet flesh

Then nothing but; still

New lovers

This moment

Never forgotten

Little Rag Doll

Tossed aside

Her charm lost

Little rag doll

With a wonky eye

Do not cry

For another now will pick you up

Hug and brush your hair

And remember to yourself

While you lay there waiting

Little rag doll

With a wonky eye

That your creator loves you

You were made with care

And although not perfect

You will soon see

Another face light up with glee

Devils Spit

Cruel dark intent

I feel your needs bent

Twisted out of shape

Bitterly selfishly

Taking your desires

Out on the ones who

Willingly feeds from your

Emotional torment

 

Cruel gnarled posture

Looming ever closer

Bringing with it fear

Your own discomfort

From years of self-hatred

Wanting the soft touch

Never getting much

 

Cruel growling in your loins

Primeval intentions

Bubbling to the forefront

Desires swim out of control

Pounding pulsating

Expressions of pure hate

Needs to dissipate

 

Cruel sad and lonely

Bitter twisted no way back

Feeding from dark wells

Pits of stinking hurt

You cannot escape

Your soul is bare

Your only wish

Somebody to hate

My Friend the Tree

I look out so proud

Away from the crowd

It’s taken over a week

To take a quick peek

Out into the sun

Where ‘people’ have their fun

But what do I see

Which fills me with glee

A wonderful oak tree

Staring down at me

“Hey where have you been?”

He says with a grin

And brushes his leaves down his old oak chin

“Next time you are feeling down

Do not hide and frown

Come and sit with me

Your green friend the tree

.. And maybe consider being like me in your next incarnation” !

 

 

Primal Instinct

Primal instinct

Love of the flesh

Devouring our needs

In a web of decitful

Twisted pleasure

Opening your eyes

To the need to sin

Desirabilty of the body

Too much to ignor

As as lay myself before you

Your faithful loyal whore

 

 

Cheers

Desperate now I cry

Reasons are twisted

I know now not why?

A humble cave is all I seek

Why no neighbours

Are there to peek

At my world fragmented

In parcels

Waiting to unravel

In seas of disaster again

My friend

My only host

The one at parties I boast

A toast

To me the dyeing scum

Raise a glass now

And make me more numb

Cutz

Cuts deep

Cuts strong

Cuts and heals

But my wound is long

 

I made them here is desperation

As rivers flowed above my head

I made them seeking admiration

From people I loved now dead

 

I have tattoos

Make with blood ink

They are prettier than your roses

They made me think

A Good Stuffing

I am a total tease

To be admired by me is a breeze

 

I do not write poetry or Fuck that often

Because I have an un-known tendency for the occasion to drag on like this sentence ………

 

I am a Stuffed animal

I am willing to paint my bottom bright colours

Wave them around like the New Union Jack

 

I have a Pac a Mac and use it quite often

Escaping my cave for a sniff at the options

 

I am too busy to bother to flirt

Treat me like Dirt, I’ll probably Enjoy it !

 

 

 

Single

I stand alone

Beware

With arms outstretched

My soul is bare

 

Whispers silently to you Dear

I ask you in there is no-one here

Shhh now come quiet the bed is made

Shhh I’m lonely it’s a tiresome charade

Bruised

Time i have used

I feel bruised

Upset and alone

Please call me on the phone

I shake I sweat i dance in fear

For the love of God take me out of here

A apple brown rotting in time

Is how i describe this life of mine

I used to bounce back

Now I only hide

Waiting for the wasps

To eat me alive

Melt

Time

Drifts

Across

My paper

Chasing fast

My will to last

Facing the blasts

Boom shut out the light

Close my curtains to things

Very uncertain I wonder of my fate

Star Gazers

Voices

Voices and echos

I hear your words

As you type so distant

Your accent so slight

Warm breath breathing

This must be the gathering

Of Crystal children all shining bright

Willing to chase the stars tonight

Catching raindrops as they fall

We will not stand still

We always sit tall

The generation that comes to make things alright

A star light star bright

We have our wish tonight

Crystals Shining

I want to dance and play in the aethersphere
Crystals all shining and smiling
Whisps and whirls spinning with children who hear
Rainbows and sunshine and moonlight entwining

Angel Cake

Grateful now for what I have got

Have no energy left to grieve of what is lost

She lays so peacefully in my bed

And comforts me instinctively when I’m filled with dread

 

‘ We can run away together

Live with fairies and fly on a feather

Dance with pixies and laugh at trolls

Spin high up on hills do cartwheels and rolls

Make ice creams and cakes everyday

Creating Angel magic as we play’

 

Her hands so small but her heart so big, My Sunshine my Rainbow my child

I want her here to stay

But never seem to get my way 😦

Paper Scissors Stone

A china doll do you see here

Now I am made of paper

I do not shatter I only tear

And cut you back deeper

My skin has thickened

And so has the plot

I passed the test running round the block

Paper covers stone

And my will just blunt the knife

Now my free will prevails

You will never take my life

Running

Socially locked away

I am a stray

Totally un acceptable

My behaviour is regrettable

Brought it upon myself

A world of karmic dept

Made a stained bed and laid in it

What else did I expect

 

Running from my wishes

Running for my dreams

Running from my problems

Which follow me is seems

 

A travelling hermit

Alone and outcast

Stopping with need

Animal instincts then feed

A hurricane of emotion runs wild inside my head

So run wild run quick, time is chasing you now

Lonely unkept and abandoned

When did this happen and how

 

Frustration now and it grips me tight

I cannot run any faster

My life is tainted with dark pools that I made

Up to my neck I struggle and wade

 

Its hard interacting when judged at first glance

Painfully hidden in rooms of locked iron doors

Overwhelming fears of any emotion

Shedding light on my stained bed

Too much trauma and disbelief

 

Running around

Breaking ground

Not a sound

And never found

I ran

Because I can

 

Description …..

Wanna be Poetess

With dark thoughts on my mind

Escaping my hole of loneliness and despair

Finding words to explain the heavy burdens I bear

No-body to confide in

Unless it’s Doctors that are being paid

Even then I need to watch my tongue

A hospital bed they would like me laid

 

Another week alone but this I know

It doesn’t bother me anymore

I could go out like all the singles

Get pissed and act like a whore

 

But my plans you see are bigger than that

I was brought up well although landed flat

I shall wait now you see for everyone else to be dead

They will see may pain and like me, nothing will be said

 

Experience in open consciousness, free from control

Is where I roam when people think I’ve lost it so

I have died twice so there is nothing left to fear

Apart from years of loneliness without even my children here

 

Does anyone care does anyone blush

When they hear these words of mine

Oh no you see I’ve had to resort to truth telling

In Lemon and Lime

Blips and Blops of Pen Drops

Lost my way

Only me to pay

The path I chose is clear sometimes

But when it’s not I am truly blind

A friendly one who cares too much

Squeals of delight at the slightest touch

Someone cares, oh yes they do

I’m not sure why and I am guessing still who

Up and down the railroad spins

Laughing sounds and wicked grins

This tale I tell in spits and spats

It’s too much to handle and even scares my cats

Laugh Out Loud I do everyday

The wickedy witches

They pave the way

 

Sublimation

Why is my poetry not more erotic rather than full of danger

Probed and poked by the eyes of a stranger

I wish to write of fairies pixies and dragons

Not ghosts of the past and gripes about humans

If I posted all on my notes on here

I may scare my friends that much is clear

For who wants to read of a tormented head

Years and years wasted curled up in my bed

 

I had a teacher who told me in rhyme

Of the terrible torment which peaked over time

One day will be better not just a clown face

A time I can spread my wings and fully embrace

The world which is mine, I make it when I’m happy

Make plans to escape my cave not cosy now just scratchy

I’ve written on walls the plans of my death

Even tatooed my arm to remind me of breath

 

So called chemical imbalance

So called Manic depression

I would rather give a list of names

You can send them all to the same prison

 

See I can say it all here because anyone who looks

And doesn’t like my frame of mind can delete me from your books

My head Dr is going to read this one, and although I like him a lot

Really do not like his job, his trouble making brain dying plot

 

Injection you say? More chemicals for me, well I have freedom of speech

I do not care if its stuck up my nose, in my ears or up my ass

I’d rather stay out of Medical Sciences research !

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

In Freud’s classic theory, erotic energy is allowed a limited amount of expression, due to constraints of human society.

Freud considered this defense mechanism the most productive compared to the others that he identified, such as repression, displacement, denial, reaction formation, intellectualisation and projection. Sublimation is the process of transforming libido into “socially useful” achievements, mainly art. Psychoanalysts often refer to sublimation as the only truly successful defense mechanism ~

 

Level 4 – Mature

These are commonly found among emotionally healthy adults and are considered mature, even though many have their origins in an immature stage of development. They have been adapted through the years in order to optimize success in life and relationships. The use of these defenses enhances pleasure and feelings of control. These defenses help us integrate conflicting emotions and thoughts, while still remaining effective. Those who use these mechanisms are usually considered virtuous.

 

So is my psychologist telling me this to make me feel better?

 

No Batteries Included

I looked inside the box of me

But didn’t read the instructions

Turns out I’m labelled fragile

Top side down and agile

So what to do when bored stiff

And no-one exciting to play with

Stay locked inside my glass cabinet

And pray that someone finds me

 

Forward

Love and trust are delicate things

When all our soul and beings are emerging

See I was born with suspicion in mind

I guess I’m not alone, its humankind

 

For I do not trust myself

I too often make mistakes

At least now I admit it

And open up to fate

 

If I trust you and you trust me

We can be freedom fighters and let it be

 

Pressed Linen Pillow

My limbs are spread across the sheets

The mirror shines I like to peep

I dress up nice to go to bed

And press my face where you once led

 

For now I’m tired and lonely too

Only rhymes make things sound true

For this whole woman so single and sad

Makes love to a camera to make men glad

 

Little Stars Dressing Mirror

Little Star with stars in her eyes

Why ever not? Its to little surprise

That all this star gazing from when I arrived

All this experience thinking I was deprived

Creation is creating, as least in my head

With promises and surprises most welcome here

Very few friends I hold dear

My stars are all mine, I made them that way

Now lets create tomorrow, have a lovely Day !!

My Ashram

It’s all so Quiet

Your friendship with me is shadowy deep

With you here I fear not to sleep

I can love, laugh, hate and fear

It’s all OK and I have you here

 

Trust is a word I do not take lightly

I run away at the slightest hint of hostility

With you my friend I can take the knocks

We have both faced the stumbling blocks

 

So take my hand and grip it tight

This next chapter is taking flight

Forgive

Emily Dear

You never look to see

What is drowned inside of me

I fought with my life when they took you away

Now strangers with secrets cause opinion to sway

If you could swim here with me, what would you expect

Hurt, pain, disease, anguish and regret

That you are right, but also too

An abundance of Love

Just waiting for you

Stop Whispering

Talk my Dear

Can you not see

While you were both here beside me

My head was settled, my pain was gone

Nothing on this earth was wrong

For my Daughters Love is all I need

Until they return the vampires feed

A Mother born

A Mother Breeds

A Mother too has her needs

So I lie here in secret pain

Shouting it silent again and again

No-one ever can fill that gap

A cat and a mouse caught in the same trap

Shhhhh …..

Consciousness

Never lose your consciousness

As you will find that time reveals

A multitude of history

Consumed in Devils fears

No-one here can here you wail

Or even see your tears

Cries and screams of hopelessness

The pain of a thousand years

 

Past is gone and stays that way

The unconscious state of mind

Appears for very good reasons

GOD wishes you to forget it

Past, Done, Over

It’s only for you to regret it

 

Metallic Red Wine

Cut me more

You razor blade whore

I wish you Dead

With your obsession of blood-red

 

Cut me more

You butchers knife

I savour the taste

Of your tease with my life

 

Cut me up

Cut me down

Cut these ropes that bind me

 

Cut now deep

Look all around

No-one cares to find me