You are no longer a Mother
A Daughter or Sister or Lover
No longer a person we wish to meet
You are the Mad Lady on the street
8 Jul
You are no longer a Mother
A Daughter or Sister or Lover
No longer a person we wish to meet
You are the Mad Lady on the street
20 Jul
I saw myself from above
I was still grey in pain
I watched as the doctors nodded their heads
I watched as family came and went
I wondered do I want to stay here
When heaven and God are so near
Thump a pain runs through my chest
Thump a bruise to add to the rest
Thump did you ask me if I wanted to stay
Thump … I had no say
18 Feb
The path to
My sweet enlightenment
Seems clear
As my finger
Swirls round your loins
Smells excite
Exagerate
Our wanting
Your whole flesh
Entwined with mine
Until in a heap
Our souls combine
Trembling, wet flesh
Then nothing but; still
New lovers
This moment
Never forgotten
20 Nov
Tossed aside
Her charm lost
Little rag doll
With a wonky eye
Do not cry
For another now will pick you up
Hug and brush your hair
And remember to yourself
While you lay there waiting
Little rag doll
With a wonky eye
That your creator loves you
You were made with care
And although not perfect
You will soon see
Another face light up with glee
25 Sep
Cruel dark intent
I feel your needs bent
Twisted out of shape
Bitterly selfishly
Taking your desires
Out on the ones who
Willingly feeds from your
Emotional torment
Cruel gnarled posture
Looming ever closer
Bringing with it fear
Your own discomfort
From years of self-hatred
Wanting the soft touch
Never getting much
Cruel growling in your loins
Primeval intentions
Bubbling to the forefront
Desires swim out of control
Pounding pulsating
Expressions of pure hate
Needs to dissipate
Cruel sad and lonely
Bitter twisted no way back
Feeding from dark wells
Pits of stinking hurt
You cannot escape
Your soul is bare
Your only wish
Somebody to hate
25 Sep
I look out so proud
Away from the crowd
It’s taken over a week
To take a quick peek
Out into the sun
Where ‘people’ have their fun
But what do I see
Which fills me with glee
A wonderful oak tree
Staring down at me
“Hey where have you been?”
He says with a grin
And brushes his leaves down his old oak chin
“Next time you are feeling down
Do not hide and frown
Come and sit with me
Your green friend the tree
.. And maybe consider being like me in your next incarnation” !
25 Sep
Primal instinct
Love of the flesh
Devouring our needs
In a web of decitful
Twisted pleasure
Opening your eyes
To the need to sin
Desirabilty of the body
Too much to ignor
As as lay myself before you
Your faithful loyal whore
27 Aug
Desperate now I cry
Reasons are twisted
I know now not why?
A humble cave is all I seek
Why no neighbours
Are there to peek
At my world fragmented
In parcels
Waiting to unravel
In seas of disaster again
My friend
My only host
The one at parties I boast
A toast
To me the dyeing scum
Raise a glass now
And make me more numb
9 Jul
Cuts strong
Cuts and heals
But my wound is long
I made them here is desperation
As rivers flowed above my head
I made them seeking admiration
From people I loved now dead
I have tattoos
Make with blood ink
They are prettier than your roses
They made me think
8 Jul
To be admired by me is a breeze
I do not write poetry or Fuck that often
Because I have an un-known tendency for the occasion to drag on like this sentence ………
I am a Stuffed animal
I am willing to paint my bottom bright colours
Wave them around like the New Union Jack
I have a Pac a Mac and use it quite often
Escaping my cave for a sniff at the options
I am too busy to bother to flirt
Treat me like Dirt, I’ll probably Enjoy it !
8 Jun
I stand alone
Beware
With arms outstretched
My soul is bare
Whispers silently to you Dear
I ask you in there is no-one here
Shhh now come quiet the bed is made
Shhh I’m lonely it’s a tiresome charade
29 May
29 May
Time
Drifts
Across
My paper
Chasing fast
My will to last
Facing the blasts
Boom shut out the light
Close my curtains to things
Very uncertain I wonder of my fate
4 May
Voices
Voices and echos
I hear your words
As you type so distant
Your accent so slight
Warm breath breathing
This must be the gathering
Of Crystal children all shining bright
Willing to chase the stars tonight
Catching raindrops as they fall
We will not stand still
We always sit tall
The generation that comes to make things alright
A star light star bright
We have our wish tonight
9 Apr
I want to dance and play in the aethersphere
Crystals all shining and smiling
Whisps and whirls spinning with children who hear
Rainbows and sunshine and moonlight entwining
8 Apr
Grateful now for what I have got
Have no energy left to grieve of what is lost
She lays so peacefully in my bed
And comforts me instinctively when I’m filled with dread
‘ We can run away together
Live with fairies and fly on a feather
Dance with pixies and laugh at trolls
Spin high up on hills do cartwheels and rolls
Make ice creams and cakes everyday
Creating Angel magic as we play’
Her hands so small but her heart so big, My Sunshine my Rainbow my child
I want her here to stay
But never seem to get my way 😦
30 Mar
A china doll do you see here
Now I am made of paper
I do not shatter I only tear
And cut you back deeper
My skin has thickened
And so has the plot
I passed the test running round the block
Paper covers stone
And my will just blunt the knife
Now my free will prevails
You will never take my life
29 Mar
Socially locked away
I am a stray
Totally un acceptable
My behaviour is regrettable
Brought it upon myself
A world of karmic dept
Made a stained bed and laid in it
What else did I expect
Running from my wishes
Running for my dreams
Running from my problems
Which follow me is seems
A travelling hermit
Alone and outcast
Stopping with need
Animal instincts then feed
A hurricane of emotion runs wild inside my head
So run wild run quick, time is chasing you now
Lonely unkept and abandoned
When did this happen and how
Frustration now and it grips me tight
I cannot run any faster
My life is tainted with dark pools that I made
Up to my neck I struggle and wade
Its hard interacting when judged at first glance
Painfully hidden in rooms of locked iron doors
Overwhelming fears of any emotion
Shedding light on my stained bed
Too much trauma and disbelief
Running around
Breaking ground
Not a sound
And never found
I ran
Because I can
27 Mar
Wanna be Poetess
With dark thoughts on my mind
Escaping my hole of loneliness and despair
Finding words to explain the heavy burdens I bear
No-body to confide in
Unless it’s Doctors that are being paid
Even then I need to watch my tongue
A hospital bed they would like me laid
Another week alone but this I know
It doesn’t bother me anymore
I could go out like all the singles
Get pissed and act like a whore
But my plans you see are bigger than that
I was brought up well although landed flat
I shall wait now you see for everyone else to be dead
They will see may pain and like me, nothing will be said
Experience in open consciousness, free from control
Is where I roam when people think I’ve lost it so
I have died twice so there is nothing left to fear
Apart from years of loneliness without even my children here
Does anyone care does anyone blush
When they hear these words of mine
Oh no you see I’ve had to resort to truth telling
In Lemon and Lime
27 Mar
Lost my way
Only me to pay
The path I chose is clear sometimes
But when it’s not I am truly blind
A friendly one who cares too much
Squeals of delight at the slightest touch
Someone cares, oh yes they do
I’m not sure why and I am guessing still who
Up and down the railroad spins
Laughing sounds and wicked grins
This tale I tell in spits and spats
It’s too much to handle and even scares my cats
Laugh Out Loud I do everyday
The wickedy witches
They pave the way
23 Mar
Why is my poetry not more erotic rather than full of danger
Probed and poked by the eyes of a stranger
I wish to write of fairies pixies and dragons
Not ghosts of the past and gripes about humans
If I posted all on my notes on here
I may scare my friends that much is clear
For who wants to read of a tormented head
Years and years wasted curled up in my bed
I had a teacher who told me in rhyme
Of the terrible torment which peaked over time
One day will be better not just a clown face
A time I can spread my wings and fully embrace
The world which is mine, I make it when I’m happy
Make plans to escape my cave not cosy now just scratchy
I’ve written on walls the plans of my death
Even tatooed my arm to remind me of breath
So called chemical imbalance
So called Manic depression
I would rather give a list of names
You can send them all to the same prison
See I can say it all here because anyone who looks
And doesn’t like my frame of mind can delete me from your books
My head Dr is going to read this one, and although I like him a lot
Really do not like his job, his trouble making brain dying plot
Injection you say? More chemicals for me, well I have freedom of speech
I do not care if its stuck up my nose, in my ears or up my ass
I’d rather stay out of Medical Sciences research !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Freud’s classic theory, erotic energy is allowed a limited amount of expression, due to constraints of human society.
Freud considered this defense mechanism the most productive compared to the others that he identified, such as repression, displacement, denial, reaction formation, intellectualisation and projection. Sublimation is the process of transforming libido into “socially useful” achievements, mainly art. Psychoanalysts often refer to sublimation as the only truly successful defense mechanism ~
Level 4 – Mature
These are commonly found among emotionally healthy adults and are considered mature, even though many have their origins in an immature stage of development. They have been adapted through the years in order to optimize success in life and relationships. The use of these defenses enhances pleasure and feelings of control. These defenses help us integrate conflicting emotions and thoughts, while still remaining effective. Those who use these mechanisms are usually considered virtuous.
So is my psychologist telling me this to make me feel better?
23 Mar
I looked inside the box of me
But didn’t read the instructions
Turns out I’m labelled fragile
Top side down and agile
So what to do when bored stiff
And no-one exciting to play with
Stay locked inside my glass cabinet
And pray that someone finds me
17 Mar
Love and trust are delicate things
When all our soul and beings are emerging
See I was born with suspicion in mind
I guess I’m not alone, its humankind
For I do not trust myself
I too often make mistakes
At least now I admit it
And open up to fate
If I trust you and you trust me
We can be freedom fighters and let it be
17 Mar
My limbs are spread across the sheets
The mirror shines I like to peep
I dress up nice to go to bed
And press my face where you once led
For now I’m tired and lonely too
Only rhymes make things sound true
For this whole woman so single and sad
Makes love to a camera to make men glad
9 Mar
Little Star with stars in her eyes
Why ever not? Its to little surprise
That all this star gazing from when I arrived
All this experience thinking I was deprived
Creation is creating, as least in my head
With promises and surprises most welcome here
Very few friends I hold dear
My stars are all mine, I made them that way
Now lets create tomorrow, have a lovely Day !!
9 Mar
Your friendship with me is shadowy deep
With you here I fear not to sleep
I can love, laugh, hate and fear
It’s all OK and I have you here
Trust is a word I do not take lightly
I run away at the slightest hint of hostility
With you my friend I can take the knocks
We have both faced the stumbling blocks
So take my hand and grip it tight
This next chapter is taking flight
9 Mar
Emily Dear
You never look to see
What is drowned inside of me
I fought with my life when they took you away
Now strangers with secrets cause opinion to sway
If you could swim here with me, what would you expect
Hurt, pain, disease, anguish and regret
That you are right, but also too
An abundance of Love
Just waiting for you
8 Mar
Talk my Dear
Can you not see
While you were both here beside me
My head was settled, my pain was gone
Nothing on this earth was wrong
For my Daughters Love is all I need
Until they return the vampires feed
A Mother born
A Mother Breeds
A Mother too has her needs
So I lie here in secret pain
Shouting it silent again and again
No-one ever can fill that gap
A cat and a mouse caught in the same trap
Shhhhh …..
8 Mar
Never lose your consciousness
As you will find that time reveals
A multitude of history
Consumed in Devils fears
No-one here can here you wail
Or even see your tears
Cries and screams of hopelessness
The pain of a thousand years
Past is gone and stays that way
The unconscious state of mind
Appears for very good reasons
GOD wishes you to forget it
Past, Done, Over
It’s only for you to regret it
8 Mar
Cut me more
You razor blade whore
I wish you Dead
With your obsession of blood-red
Cut me more
You butchers knife
I savour the taste
Of your tease with my life
Cut me up
Cut me down
Cut these ropes that bind me
Cut now deep
Look all around
No-one cares to find me